Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
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