Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
