He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
sex in a hospital.. check
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
