i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
