I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
