Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
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