I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize