WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
