Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
