I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
