My liver just broke up with me...
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
