So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
