I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
Randomize
