i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
