Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
