That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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