Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
