i think my tv is drunk
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Randomize
