So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
