i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
I will have to bone him sometime between now and July so he will move all my shit again
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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