My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize
