i think i have two assholes
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Randomize
