she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
You're like the curious george of whores
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize