i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Randomize
