You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
Randomize
