Well apparently he's into motor boating.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Randomize
