the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
