Don't make out with my wife yet
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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