Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
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