Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
