and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The last thing I remember was talking about the economic viability of cock ring manufacturing... we had some good ideas
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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