Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
