I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize