How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
