I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
