i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
