OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
COCAINE IS GR8
Randomize
