Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
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