Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
What the hell man, you basically stole my girlfriend with a bucket of KFC.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
