this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
