Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
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