my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Randomize
