drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
