What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
