Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
