he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
Randomize
