I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
