went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I got inside last night via doggy door
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
