Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
