i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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