i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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