If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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