so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I need to calm my uterus...
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
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