I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
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