Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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