I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I just had sex on a roof
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
