4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Blow job season was short but glorious.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
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