ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Randomize
