dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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