If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
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