I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
me + whiskey = a bad person
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
