u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
Randomize
