Where is the hickey?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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