yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
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