Sponge bath it is.
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Randomize
