mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
