my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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