He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
