a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
