Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
