Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
