Buhtt sex?
he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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