Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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