I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Randomize
